So as we are entering a new year there is a lot on my mind. I have a lot to be thankful for. We had a pretty great year. Watching my littlest turn from a baby to a strong willed toddler, watching my two sons turn into the best of friends, Derek and I at a super great place in our marriage...and so much more.
But to be honest there really is one main thing on my mind...about a month ago I dealt with some not so good medical news that we are actually still dealing with. I guess I will start at the beginning...I thought I was about 8 weeks pregnant when I went to the doctor, they couldn't find a heartbeat....but that didn't really scare me since with Ben and Sully it was about 10 weeks until I heard the heart beat. I was scheduled to have an ultrasound the next week....I knew something was wrong when the tech wasn't talking at all...the doctor called me withing about 30 minutes and wanted me to get blood work done to check for pregnancy hormone levels....so I did that immediately. I did it that day and two days later...they were rising but but doubling. So I was told I would have a miscarriage because the fetal pole never looked to grow beyond 4 weeks or so....I continued to have blood work done and all of the sudden they were spiking, so then he doctor thought that maybe I was just very early in pregnancy and that everything could possibly be ok. So I went back in for an ultrasound...I got a call the next day to come in and see my doctor....I knew that couldn't be good. When we got to the doctor he pulled us into a room and told me thought I was having a molar pregnancy...which is when tumors grow in your body instead of a baby. I immediately went to a specialist where he told me he wasn't positive that it was a molar pregnancy, maybe just a blighted ovum...which is still bad but with a blighted ovum I can get pregnant within months....but with a molar pregnancy I have to wait a full year. I was scheduled for a D&C the next day. I have that procedure done and was called the next week. It was in fact a molar pregnancy...and even worse a complete molar pregnancy. Now, the problem with molar pregnancy is that the cells and tumors can grow back, and then I have to have Chemo to get rid of the cancer. There is a 25% chance that I will have to have Chemo...which I realize means that there is a 75% that I won't have to, but to me 25% is not a super small percentage. And chemo....that's scary...will I feel sick...will I be always tired...will I lose my hair....all thoughts that go through my head everyday. I have to have blood work done on a consistent basis...if my HCG (pregnancy hormones) do not go down to 0 and stay at 0 for consecutive months that is when we will know I need to start treatment. Which is also why we have to wait a year to try to get pregnant. Because my levels could go up and down we have to wait to make sure I am in the clear and so a real pregnancy doesn't get confused with the cancer. It has really been an awful experience. We haven't really told anyone but our families...but I figured it was time to share this scary time in our lives. And do not get me wrong...this doesn't consume us, I know I am not going to die from this. Worse case scenario is Chemo....and there is a super tiny percentage that the cancer spreads...but that is such a small percentage that I do not even entertain that idea. We just cannot believe this has happened...
